Early, and then late in my 20s, I found you ridiculously strong,

pervert, disgusting, untimely, looking to hurt

And then, I lived in my 30s on the edge of not feeling human

when the sun went darker, darker, then black

When my days felt like coal, dry, harsh, turning to ashes,

when the fire flames in my house turned into hail.

There were weeks when my stomach got in the mood of not feeling ever hungry,

I was hiding in bed, searching for a longing comfort.

Like evil lived inside my gut, my heart, under my skin, I felt I was evil, unworthy of life,

My thoughts got loud, argumentative, and proud of haunting my head.

Depressed and limited, time’s running late.

Time fails and stays still, staring at nothing.

I feel numb, no joy, or pain, no love, no hate

There’s nothing in my head, heart, or veins,

There’s nothing but a void filled with little hope.

I’d say, no matter it’s dawn, sunset or noon, you’re a reckless parasite

No one can see you, neither doctors nor I.

No matter what skin, what eyes, religion or time, you play a no-rules game,

You are not just a broken toy. You silently abuse.

You live your own life, you are the invasive weed with roots that never wither,

You make the good go away. You can easily unalive.

Every time, you dig deep into my bones, and you also take

My emptied body, brain, soul, leaving me “feeling not myself”.

Depressed and limited, time’s running late.

Time fails and stays still, staring at nothing.

I feel numb, no joy, or pain, no love, no hate

There’s nothing in my head, heart, or veins,

There’s nothing but a void filled with memories.

Imagine how our planet Earth, in seconds…. Just falls away,

in an abyss, a black hole.

Big Bang is the latest knowledge about creation.

scientists going hand in hand with God.

Life, You, good and evil, us, joy, pain, and nothing,

all vanish in something we cannot know.

You are the creature I called the Monster,

but sometimes monsters feel nicer than you.

I need a cup of coffee, strong, black, grounded, and hot,

Flavouring life.

I will fight the winds, the storms,

Famous Catrina or Albert’s typhoons.

I swear I’ll get well soon, no matter monster tries to defeat me,

You, Monster, I’ll be the champion in life, not you.

Depressed and limited, time’s running late.

Time fails and stays still, staring at nothing.

I feel numb, no joy, or pain, no love, no hate

There’s nothing in my head, heart, or veins,

There’s nothing but a void filled by a ray of light.