In my recollection of you lies a picture
You are wearing the grossest Sweatiest Dirtiest orange hat
A trailer supply company baseball cap
And in the picture you can see
No you can feel the disgust my family has at it
But you loved that hat
You loved its fit and shape. You loved its stench
You loved its grossness, And its ugliness, And its worn out sweatiness
You loved that hat
And sometimes I wonder, I wonder what made that hat so dear
That the only time it was off your head Was when it HAD to be.
I wonder if maybe, just maybe You loved that hat for reasons I couldn’t see
Was that hat more than just a hat?
I wonder if it felt like a mask, A part of your protective facade
So people would laugh at it And see through you
You left me here eight years ago
And volumes upon volumes of tears have flooded the banks of my eyes
Leaving my cheeks whitewashed at the overflow
Of the salty tears my heart couldn’t bear drowning in anymore
And I can’t help but wonder
Where is that dirty orange hat
And do you wear it in the next life?